I'm not going to hide it--after Meir and I broke up, I definitely comfort zoned myself. At that moment, Judaism was so connected with him and the life we'd wanted together that I just couldn't bear to be reminded of what I'd lost. So, I pulled on jeans every day for a week, used my computer on Shabbat, and tried to order shrimp at Ruby Tuesday (which I just couldn't bring myself to do).
The thing was, I had thought all of that stuff would make me feel better. I had thought that wearing jeans and sneakers would make me feel more like myself, that texting on Saturday was going to somehow solve my problems. After less than a week, though, I realized that what I'd thought was my comfort zone was no longer really my comfort zone. When I slid on a skirt and long sleeves, I felt instantly better, like I belonged to something and there was something solid that was mine regardless of what was happening in my life. I'd never doubted that my decision to convert was for me and me alone, but something about having to stand on my own two Jewish feet for the first time was wildly strengthening. The next day I started davening again, started saying modeh ani again, started washing again when I got up. I put away the jeans, and I got out the siddur. I know now where my real comfort zone is.
So, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, missing Meir, and focusing on all the hard things going on right now, I'm choosing to use this time to really establish my Jewish identity. In fact, I think this period in my life could really be a blessing from Hashem even though it is a bit uncomfortable and scary at times. Baruch Hashem for triumphs disguised as trials!
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